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I started thinking about this topic during a discussion of
“What You Wish You Knew Then”. People were talking
about the differences in their lives once they discovered
that what makes them happy is just as important as what makes
other people happy.
It really is true...if you are not happy, then it’s
likely that no one around you is happy. Sounds self-centered
to some people, especially women, but it's not. And it is
not even close to Gordon Gecko’s philosophy of “Greed
is good.”
Thomas Leonard, the founder of Coach University, said, “When
you become truly selfish, you'll have the extra reserves needed
to really care about—and be generous with—others.”
Think about it. When you truly take care of yourself, only
then can you have the reserves necessary to be generous with
others. How many of us have this backwards? We take care of
everyone (and everything) else, and leave ourselves for last.
How can we even think about being generous with what we don’t
have to give? For many of us, this phenomenon is a significant
contributor to our stress levels. And we’re accomplishing
great things in spite of our stress levels, so what’s
wrong with that?
The obvious answer is burnout. We see it all around us. Friends,
colleagues and family members who are stuck in careers they
don’t want, in relationships that are going nowhere,
living lives they didn’t choose—their gifts and
talents going underutilized, or being buried under the pile
of “shoulds”.
Perhaps the real benefit of becoming selfish is giving your
gifts and talents room to develop. “Gifts and talents
need nourishment; they don't blossom fully without it. If
you've got a special talent or gift—and most of us do—become
selfish for the sake of that if you cannot bring yourself
to be selfish for your own sake.” (Thomas Leonard, again.)
We each have been given an incredible opportunity. I believe
we all owe it to the world to live the best life we possibly
can. There’s no point to doing otherwise. Are you doing
that? I know I’m not, but I am getting better at it.
Maybe if each of us gets a bit more selfish, we’ll not
only be living the lives we want and deserve, but being more
generous with each other and changing our world as we go.
Now the question is, “Where do I even begin to be more
selfish?” Try scheduling some time each week, when it
really is "all about you"...and keep the appointment!
Time to read a book, take a bath, get outdoors, write in your
journal (or work on that novel)—whatever you need to
do more of to take care of your self. You'll be surprised
how quickly you (and your friends and family) see a change.
Go ahead…make your self happy!
To learn more about Barbara, please visit her website: SeasonsofSuccess.com.
Remember, Barbara is the author of a fabulous book, we recommend:
Become Your Own Great and
Powerful
Barbara Bellissimo is on a mission to empower women to change
their world. She's a life transformation agent, working with
a very diverse group of women—business owners, executives,
consultants, new graduates, women outside the workforce—supporting
them to embrace their leadership qualities to design and create
the life they truly want.
Barbara is a founding member of the Secret Order of the Tiara—nine
of whom contributed their stories to her book. She's conducted
workshops and presentations for many audiences, been quoted
in Forbes and The New York Times, and has appeared on National
Public Radio.
Prior to starting her life transformation agency, Barbara
spent nearly
twenty years in high-technology marketing, and as an entrepreneur.
She received her BS degree in Economics from The Wharton School
at the University of Pennsylvania. She currently lives her
dream life on Martha's Vineyard and in New York City with
her family.
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